I've written a few scraps, collections and short stories tentatively branded as D&D (because I are so clever) and basically running under the premise of what life would be like if my friends and I lived in a fantasy world... of dungeons and dragons. Since they are all silly projects, I haven't actually given them any editing time.
Turns out, there's a lot less dungeons and dragons and a lot more bickering and squabbling. Most of the ideas for the stories come from big or little life events of the people around me. This one in particular was inspired by - you know what, I don't want to ruin the surprise. It has the rather impressive title of Balls and is the first real short to feature Derrek as the main character.
Since they are all silly projects, I haven't actually given them any editing time. So mind the spelling errors, grammar mistakes and logical inconsistencies. It's the least I could do for my friends. So, enjoy!
---------------Break ---------------
“If you know what is
good for you, you will hand me the talisman.”
“Don’t do it!” Keirn called.
The wind whipped ferociously about them, mangling his words so that even Jeremiah had difficulty hearing them. He wasn’t sure if his friend was actually trying to persuade him or just giving the expected protestations of a man in his position.
Not that Jeremiah was in any shape to follow his advice. They were had by the balls.
The woman known as Scarlet Heather turned her hand crossbow, releasing a cackling bolt into the air that sizzled past Jeremiah’s left ear.
“Must this be protracted any further? Don’t make me ask politely.”
Her other hand held aloft the soft glowing balls clutched tightly in her fingers. They clinked as the woman swayed upon her feet. A great palpitation of light emitted from the twin artefacts, the flash curiously striated with red and blue. Jeremiah could almost hear them crackle like ice slowly breaking apart.
Jeremiah took one step forward. But the deck pitched beneath his feet, causing all those aboard to grab madly for support. Only the pirate captain herself seemed to keep her footing upon the pitching vessel, her tired expression never loosening.
“We need to hurry!” Vera cried. The squat girl had her arms wrapped tightly about some dangling netting, her feet barely skipping the rotting wood of the ship. “This ship won’t stand forever.”
“The least you could do is bargain our freedom first!” Kait shouted.
“Honestly, I could just shoot you know and take the talisman from your body,” Scarlet Heather said, aiming her weapon squarely at Jeremiah’s chest.
He felt his heart skip at the threat. He looked at her pleadingly, staring straight at that soft face framed by the long, whipping strands of shimmering russet hair. Only her hardened gaze stared back.
“Please!” he shouted. “Why… why are you doing this!”
The deck shifted once more, causing Jeremiah to slip and fall heavily against the wood. Pain shot up his banged elbow but his hand still managed to grasp the rail, keeping him from tumbling to his doom. Once he regained his footing, he saw his adversary’s weapon had dropped slightly.
“It’s nothing personal, dear,” she whispered, the words barely escaping her ruby lips. “Trust me, I had no intention of things ending like this. But I have a contract that I must finish. Please don’t think this is has any bearing on my opinion of your character.”
“But the bounty on us has been dropped!” Jeremiah said. “Our lives aren’t worth anything.”
“Speak for yourself!” Keirn shouted.
“Like I said, this is nothing personal. I just need the talisman, you can have your globes and we can all go our merry way.”
“You can’t give them those!” Vera shouted as her feet, fully airborne now, kicked helplessly while the ship leaned even further upon its side. “Our instructions were very precise!”
“Yours perhaps. I was hired solely to retrieve the talisman.”
“I don’t think that
was the intention of your contract,” Vera said.
“I don’t deal with intentions, only with gold. Now, shall we continue this standoff or shall we wait for this miserable wreck to completely dislodge itself and plummet to our collective grave?”
The tattered sails overhead snapped warningly in the wind, each gust threatening to pull the vessel further from the craggy perch. The ship groaned beneath its own rotting bulk as if it were conscious of its eagerly anticipated demise.
“You can’t give her Messchernizzer’s Talisman of Shattered Dimensions!” Kait warned. “We don’t know the ramifications of activating it without the protection of Glory Aessalia! This could doom us all!”
A sudden gust careened against the hull, pitching all the members forcefully to the ground. A terrific explosion of splintering wood filled the air as the ancient ship screeched down the cliff side. Vera screamed as the ropes she clung to unravelled dropping her down the length of the deck as it ground itself to a sheer wall disintegrating against the stones.
Jeremiah suddenly felt his full girth supported by the lone hand grasping the rail, and his fingers burned with the strain of keeping him anchored to the collapsing vessel. With a shout, his strength gave way and he felt the sickening sense of airlessness as he tumbled. He caught sight of the hired thugs falling like screaming planks of wood to the yawning chasm beneath them. Jeremiah was about to join them as the old contents of the ship’s cargo burst through the hall, leaving enough broken wood and debris for him to land roughly upon the broken skeletal frame of the elderly craft.
He groaned, shifting to his side. But the wood splintered beneath his shifting mass, causing for him to throw his arms roughly about the thick shattered planks forming the sheer deck.
“We’re going to diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Vera shrieked. She clung hysterically to the dangling rope, her body swinging with momentum to smack her against the deck over and over again as the wind rushed up from beneath them.
Suddenly, the ship came to a sudden stop with a tremendous crash. More wood burst from its degraded bonds, raining in splinters into the air. Jeremiah looked between his legs to see what had stopped their fall. The ship had managed to drive itself between a great rocky spire pinning them, temporarily, in the air at a great ninety degree angle.
He then quickly looked towards his friends. Though now guardless, as the last thug fell screaming past with his arms flailing, the siblings remained tied securely to the ship’s mast.
But what of the globes?!
Jeremiah looked back where Scarlet Heather had stood. The space was now completely empty of both woman and artefacts. Had she dropped? He looked down the length of the ship frantically searching for the rogue.
Miraculously, she stood upon the shattered rail, her hands unimpressively resting upon her hips. Beneath her, a great spider web of coils had appeared, likely launched by the curious contraption upon her wrist. Her hands still even glowed with the faint light of the orbs.
“Well, now that my men have fallen to their untimely demise, can we finally finish this exchange?”
Jeremiah turned to the two dissenting opinions. But Kait merely looked on the verge of tears and Keirn dangled curiously with his eyes closed as if he had drifted off into a boredom induced slumber.
Jeremiah scrambled to find some footing, the wood groaning beneath him. At last, he found enough purchase to turn and hold the talisman out, looking down at the remarkable woman.
“Very well. The talisman for the orb and my friend’s freedom.”
“If you think I’m coming up there to release your companions, you have another thing coming,” Heather called. “But drop the talisman and I will send up your globes.”
“No,” Jeremiah said. “How do I know I can trust you? The globes first.”
“Seriously? It would almost be easier to just wait for this damn ship to crash and search through its wreckage.”
“Just make the trade!” Kait called, her voice quivering.
Jeremiah took a resolute breath, reaching his hand out into the growling air as far as he could, then he released his grip.
The talisman tumbled from his fingers, turning about and about as it fell. Its long silver chain whipped about like a wild comet’s tail.
Heather raised her wrist launcher, shutting one eye as she steadied her aim. With unerring accuracy, a single bolt was loosed, snatching the twisting chain and plugging the object into the hall just within arm’s reach of her position.
She then grabbed a single piece of leather, looping it upon itself and nestling the globes beneath. She fastened it to her launcher, took careful aim once more, and fired the orbs towards Jeremiah. It struck the side of the deck just by his head, the tinkling of the orbs within giving off another rainbow pulsation.
“Until next time!” Heather called, raising her fingers to her lips and blowing Jeremiah a kiss. He felt his heart skip quickly once more.
“What about my friends?” Jeremiah called.
“I suggest you get them quickly,” Heather cried. “I don’t think this ship will remain for long.”
She balanced along her makeshift platform until she reached the rocky spire, taking the time to inspect it before finding a suitable ledge to begin her descent.
“And what of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!” Vera cried.
“I shall see you back at the port!”
And with that, the pirate captain departed, leaving Jeremiah with the sobbing redhead and his still bound companions. With tears still running down her cheeks, Vera began to slowly inch her way up the dangling rope but Jeremiah had no idea of how he was going to get to Keirn and Kait.
Had he been a religious man, he would have prayed.
“Why can’t these things ever be easy,” he muttered.
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